RAPE! It is funny how this ‘FOUR LETTER WORD’ inflicts more
sorrow and sadness than it should. We live in a world where rape is an everyday
activity. We live in a society where the rapist is turned into the victim. Our
society is one in which the raped is being stigmatized or shunned and the
rapist is being glorified. Our society is one in which we are no longer safe in
our homes talk less of being safe outside our comfort zone. When we raise our
voices regarding rape, we are shunned or ask, “what was the person wearing?” “What
was the person doing there?” but what do
we have to say about those that they were raped in their homes, lets take the
recent case of Uwa as a case study, she was brutally raped in a church and
murdered without any human conscience but trust us, we found a way to cook up
another story saying “Why was she dating two men at once?” as if that justifies
the inhuman act that was done to her.
The society further makes the matter worse by telling
the victims that “They can recognize rapist from the way they act or Dress” but
I say, are you stupid? Don’t you know rapist are normal looking people as well,
they dress like an elite and most of them are educated. They appear completely
charming and non-threatening. Just when I feel we have been able to convince
the society to reason, they concoct another view asking further, “Why didn’t you
fight back? If you didn’t fight back you must have enjoy it”. This is the stage
where I almost lost my mind, I replied, during a sexual assault, it’s extremely
common to freeze. Your brain and body shut down in shock, making it difficult
to move, speak, or think but then again, those that fought back and ended up
being killed in the process, what justice have we gotten for them, the society
went silent and I said YES! Finally, they can see what I am preaching but alas!
This was just the beginning of several sexual assault.
Then I heard the society whispering again and they
said; Date rape is often a misunderstanding.
And I said; Date rapists often defend themselves by claiming the assault
was a drunken mistake or miscommunication. But research shows that the vast
majority of date rapists are repeat offenders. These men target vulnerable
people and often ply them with alcohol in order to rape them. The society fell
of deaf hears again, just when I thought I could breath a sign of relief and we
can finally find justice for those that were unjustly raped; the society hit me
with
“Well, its not rape if you’ve
had sex or consented to sex with them before” and I said; Just because you’ve
once consented to sex with someone before, doesn’t give them perpetual right to
your body whether they are your spouse, boyfriend, fiancé or what not, its your
body and your choice. I further sighted an example saying; just because you gave
me financial assistance or any form of assistance once, doesn’t mean you’ve to
consent to my request when next I ask. The society then asked; what is consent?
I answered the society saying;
Consent occurs when one person voluntarily
agrees to the proposal or desires of another. Simply put; Consent
is permission for something to happen or agreement to do something. You cannot
have consent without permission and agreement, there is nothing like the victim
was saying no but her body was saying yes, we need to recognise that no means
no. Say for example, if you’re trying to kiss me and I am leaning forward that
is a type of consent but if you’re trying to kiss me and I push you back, that is
a blatant NO.
The society asked again, Do I need consent before I
can have sex with my wife, and I said yes, it has to be a mutual agreement
between both parties involved, non-consent from any of the party is a sexual
assault, the society then asked again but I paid her bride price, I then asked
the society, when you paid her bride price was it a companion and partner you’re
looking for or a sex machine. I further went to sight a case study just because
you gave your partner consent to take a particular amount from your MONEY,
doesn’t mean you have consented to further spending apart from that consented
amount.
With the new cases of raping arising lately and the society
not doing anything, I realized that we have failed as a society and who is the
society? ALL OF US. It is our collective responsibility to ensure that all
rapist dance to the tune of their music, its high time we shut down all rape
apologist and forge for Justice. Barack Obama once said;
For anybody whose once normal everyday life was
suddenly shattered by an act of sexual violence– the trauma, the terror, can
shatter you long after one horrible attack. It lingers. You don’t know where to
go or who to turn to…and people are more suspicious of what you were wearing or
what you were drinking, as if it’s your fault, not the fault of the person who
assaulted you…We still don’t condemn sexual assault as loudly as we should. We
make excuses, we look the other way…[Laws] won’t be enough unless we change the
culture that allows assault to happen in the first place.
I do hope we all forge for a better community, where
there is safety for all and those who failed to exhibit an act of humanity are
made to face the consequences of their actions because I believe we can do
better, NO, we have to do better.
PHOTO CREDIT: GOOGLE
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